为8月6号考试的同学免费批改作文(页 1) - 雅思写作大家谈 - 无忧雅思论坛雅思|IELTS|留学|出国|移民

吕蕾发表于 2005-8-3 02:08

为8月6号考试的同学免费批改作文

自即日起，到8月6号之前，本工作室为参加8月6号考试的考生免费批改一篇作文

quyan 发表于 2005-8-3 21:03

那我把作文写到哪你们才能帮我改啊？

吕蕾发表于 2005-8-3 22:03

把作文发送到本栏目下面就会给你修改，并把修改的内容回帖子

billgeorge 发表于 2005-8-8 23:19

谁帮我评下这篇

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By 2000, there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. These days whether alternative forms of transport should be encourged to control car ownership is being hotly discussed. In my opinon, increasing cars have caused several problems:air pollution, recources crisis, and traffic accidents, so it is very necessary to find other solutions to substitute for private car usage. 
First of all, with increasing number of private autos on road, our city has been seriously 
polluted ,Thousands of cars have made out a large amount of chemical gases, most of which have been directly pumped into air .As a result, our city air quality has been declining for years. For examplem, increasing number of people are complaining about the bad air smell. After living in som major industry cities for a long time, a lot of people find it is quite difficult to breathe smoothly and often feel umcomfortable .
Next, so many cars menas a great amount of energy comsumptions. Nowadays, most proportion of oil has been contributed to cars. In spite of this, people still have to afford higher oil price due to oil leakage. International oil price has broken historic record at ove 50 USD a bucket. In USA,people have to pay billions of dollars to import oil to maintain daily life. Unfortunately, according to a recent UN report recources of oil will be used up in 100 years at present drill speed. 
Last but not least, most of traffic accidents are caused by private cars. It is estimated that about 90 % traffic accidents are made by car drivers . Over- speeding , driving after drinking alcohol, are two main reasons for accidents.
On the whole ,it is time for us to take effective measures to limit the automobiles. through developing substantial transportation methods as subway or bike.

parwa 发表于 2005-8-8 23:36

作文题目是什么丫

billgeorge 发表于 2005-8-9 16:37

题目是：Alternative forms of transport should be cncouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. What are your view?

parwa 发表于 2005-8-9 19:12

修改后的文章：
Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws should be introduced to control car ownership and use. What is your view?
 
The first car appeared on the roads in <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:country-region w:st="on">Britain</st1:country-region></st1:place>, 1888. By contrast, statistics shows that as many as 29 million set of vehicles are running in <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:country-region w:st="on">Britain</st1:country-region></st1:place>. These days whether alternative forms of transport should be encouraged to relieve traffic strain is being hotly discussed. In my opinion, the increase in car number has caused a series of problems, such as air pollution, resources crisis, and traffic accidents, so it is of urgent necessity to figure out related solutions to solve this problem. 
First of all, with increasing number of private autos on road exhausting poisonous gas, our city has been seriously 
polluted. Thousands of cars have made out a large amount of chemical gases, most of which have been directly pumped into the air. As a result, the air quality in cities has been degrading for years. For example, vehement complaint about the undesirable air quality is consistently drawing the public attention. After living in some major cities for a long time, a lot of people find it is quite difficult to breathe smoothly and often feel uncomfortable.
Next, so many cars means a great amount of energy consumptions. Nowadays, most proportion of oil has been used up to cars. In spite of this, people still have to afford higher oil price due to oil shortage. International oil price has broken historic record at over 50 USD a bucket. In <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">USA</st1:place></st1:country-region>, people have to pay billions of dollars to import oil to maintain daily life. Unfortunately, according to a recent UN report, resources of oil will be used up in 100 years at present drill speed. 
Last but not least, most of traffic accidents are caused by private cars. It is estimated that about 90 % traffic accidents are made by car drivers. Over-speeding, driving after drinking alcohol, are two main reasons for accidents.
On the whole, it is time for us to take effective measures to limit the automobiles, through developing substantial transportation methods like subway or bike.

parwa 发表于 2005-8-9 19:25

文章的评价：作者没有把握好题目的重点（甚至题目本身就是错误的），所以文章写的内容不是很切题。文中虽然语法错误不多，但语法层次尚显不足，且缺乏亮点，思路又较狭窄，因此本文的分数很难突破6分。
建议重点复习从句的用法，有意识的用在文章当中以突破语法关，词汇方面必须专攻雅思词汇，建议吴建业老师的〈词汇小伴侣-写作〉
破题：题目其实是提出了两种解决交通问题的方法：encourage alternative forms of transport 和introduce international laws to control car ownership and use. 因此作者要做的就是讨论两种做法的效果及影响。

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为8月6号考试的同学免费批改作文

谁帮我评下这篇