[讨论]作文练习一篇，请批评
<P >您好，</P><P >下面是我的一篇雅思作文练习（学术类）。题目是《剑桥雅思<FONT face="Times New Roman">3</FONT>》<FONT face="Times New Roman">P97</FONT>的<FONT face="Times New Roman">Task 1</FONT>。就是描述两个国家失业率的两根曲线图。</P>
<P ><p><FONT face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></p></P>
<P >问题：</P>
<P ><FONT face="Times New Roman">1</FONT>、觉得没有收尾感觉比较奇怪，但不知道<FONT face="Times New Roman">Task 1</FONT>如果写收尾的话应该怎样写。</P>
<P ><FONT face="Times New Roman">2</FONT>、写完以后发现大概只有<FONT face="Times New Roman">120</FONT>多字，但又不知道还应该写点儿什么，请问这种情况应该怎么解决呢？</P>
<P ><FONT face="Times New Roman">3</FONT>、第一段用自己的话改写题目信息，总觉得写不好。。</P>
<P ><p><FONT face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></p></P>
<P >作文正文：</P>
<P ><FONT face="Times New Roman">The line graph illustrated the unemployment rates in the <st1:country-region><st1:place>US</st1:place></st1:country-region> and <st1:country-region><st1:place>Japan</st1:place></st1:country-region> from March 1993 to March 1999.</FONT></P>
<P ><FONT face="Times New Roman">In the United States,the unemploy ment rate decreased from 7.0% in 1993 to 5.0% in 1999.During 1993 to 1997,the rate wase fluctuatelly declined,and the data remained the same in 1998 and 1999,which showed the unemployment accountted for about five percentage of work force.</FONT></P>
<P ><FONT face="Times New Roman">Conversely,the unemployment rate in Japan almost kept on increasing during these six years expect for a slightly decrease in 1996.The rate in March 1993 was 2.5%,much lower than that of the US’s.And in 1998,the rate reached more than 5.0%,which made a high record in that period.In the year of 1998 and 1999,the rate of Japan is nearly as the same as US’s at 5.0%.</FONT></P>
<P ><FONT face="Times New Roman"></FONT> </P>
<P ><FONT face="Times New Roman">请大家多多指点，谢谢</FONT></P>
<P ><p><FONT face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></p></P> <P>本篇小作文的相关重点:</P>
<P>1. 美国的失业率在逐年下降， 而日本恰好相反.</P>
<P>2. 美国的失业率在大概96年9份达到5%以后就没有很大的变化了，一直在这个数字上做小的波动而已。而日本在MAR 96年达到4.4%后，经历了一个小的下降有继续上升，直到上升到5%.</P>
<P>3.最后, 两国的失业率事实上都落在5%, 而美国是下降了2%, 而日本确实上升了2.5%.</P>
<P>这写作者都没有提到，也是没有达到字数的根本原因。</P>
<P>本文最好的收尾方式自然是以第3点作为收尾段了。</P>
<P>写小作文重在描述和对比，才能较好的完成任务以及达到字数的要求。</P>
<P>开头的描述就在于英语本身的水平了，写作只有不间断的练习,修改,总结才会有实质性的提高。</P> <P>收益非浅</P>
[em01][em01] <P>非常感谢~!!!</P>
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