烤鸭们帮忙看看能不能得6分？？谢谢了先(页 1) - 雅思写作大家谈 - 无忧雅思论坛雅思|IELTS|留学|出国|移民

christanson 发表于 2005-8-25 23:54

烤鸭们帮忙看看能不能得6分？？谢谢了先

剑2 Writing Task 2 Test 3


 






Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society.





To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


<DIV>


</DIV>






Nowadays, some countries or states don't have the capital punishment while most of other countries have. As the increasing rate of crimes, if people shall cancel this kind of punishment has become more controversial than before. In my point of view, I believe there will be less safety in our lives if there is no capital punishment.





First, a very strong punishment will prevent more violence crimes from happening and then our lives will be more peaceful. People are all fear from death. If people know commit violence crimes will result in their own death, there will be less possibility for people to do such things. In contrast, jail without time limit is far less in its power to stop people from crimes because any jail punishment may become softer if criminals show a good attitude to that. So capital punishment should be inevitable to people who commit serious crimes.





In addition, most of people think that killing should be paid by taking killer’s life. This kind of belief is in fact a motive of revenge and it will result in social problems either, particularly violence crimes. If there is no capital punishment, revenge will never stop. Then as a result, our lives will be less safe and full of the revenge. So from the view of human emotion, death penalty is a very efficient way to solve the problem of revenging.





To sum up, capital punishment is not only a good solution for preventing violence crimes but also an easy and responsible reaction by the government to keep our society to be out of revenges and more killings. I agree with the death penalty strongly.


[align=right][color=#000066][此贴子已经被作者于2005-8-25 17:02:27编辑过][/color][/align]

parwa 发表于 2005-8-26 01:20

文章写的不错，完全达到了6分的水平，论述比较具有说服力，语言也较流畅，且体现了句子的多样性.但文中出现了一定低级错误,值得注意,如if people shall cancel this kind of punishment has become more controversial than before,(if 不能引导主语从句, 应为whether), are all fear from death(应为are all fearful of death), commit violence crimes will result in their own death(动词不能做主语, 且violence 也不对,应该为commiting violent crimes will result in their own death), either一般用在否定句中,还有要注意so不能单独引导句子。

页: [1]

无忧雅思论坛's Archiver

烤鸭们帮忙看看能不能得6分？？谢谢了先