怎么改能得７分？谢谢
<P ><FONT face="Times New Roman">The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as crime, arise from the fact that many marred women now work and are not at home to care for their children.</FONT></P><P ><FONT face="Times New Roman">\</FONT></P>
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<P ><FONT face="Times New Roman">I used to hear a story that a housewife took after her son all days long without enlighten him not to take other’s belongings. Eventually, the boy was sent into prison because of theft. From this story, I just want to in favor of the opinion that getting together youngsters is not equivalent to avoiding the possibility of them to commit crime. However, apart from providing children more time in schooling with their peers, a large number of married women could achieve their right of work.</FONT></P>
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<P ><FONT face="Times New Roman">In the first place, in terms of women’s families and themselves, more income could be earned to improve their living standard. In addition, some psychologists point out that those women who enjoyed their jobs are feeling more health mentally. As a result, they can deliver their better passion shared with their family. It is often the case that good feelings make them cook a richer and more delicious dinner for family.</FONT></P>
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<P ><FONT face="Times New Roman">Furthermore, there will be indisputable benefits to the society as a whole. As for the children, enjoying time with their peers, make them master more interpersonal skills. Meanwhile, along with an increasing number of women taking on jobs, women get to participate in more public affairs than before, so that the issue of protection in women’s right was taken into account by the government.</FONT></P>
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<P ><FONT face="Times New Roman">Consequently, judging from the above-mentioned commentaries, I am firmly convinced that the more professional women encourage a comparatively more democratic human society.</FONT></P>
<P>首先杜绝一切语法错误<FONT face="Times New Roman">without enlighten him not to take other’s belongings, I just want to in favor of ,getting together youngsters is not equivalent to avoiding the possibility of them to commit crime,achieve their right,more health mentally,make them master more interpersonal skills.,the issue of protection in women’s right was taken into account , 以上的语法错误请自行修正吧.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="Times New Roman">在内容上面，我想题目应该是孩子问题的原因及解决方案吧, 因此分析问题的原因应该是重点，提建议是其次, 而作者却本末倒置了，因此本文的修改是从社会和家庭方面分析问题，然后提出针对性的意见.</FONT></P>
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