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PatrickGuo 发表于 2007-10-9 10:15

求何钢老师点评我的作文

这两篇作文是我早晨做的,是我第一次动笔写作文,完全按照考试要求做的,时间也是控制在60分钟之内。
希望何钢老师能够给我评分,指点批评,就当作给大家做个例子也好。
因为考试迫在眉睫,所以非常着急,何老师费心了,希望大家不要笑话我的水平。
题目要求和作文都在下面,里面有拼写错误我没改,都是最原始的状态,因为我希望得到老师最真是的评价。
谢谢何老师,谢谢大家

Task1:
[font=Times New Roman]Request[/font][font=宋体]:[/font][font=Times New Roman]Write a letter to your penfriend.[/font]
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1, greet your friend and say why you are writing[/font]
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2, briefly describe a news story in your country[/font]
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3, explain why people are interested in it[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]Dear Ben,[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]How time flies! I have not written to you for almost a year because I have been so busy preparing my examination an I did not Have a minute to myself. I miss you so much that I am writing this letter now for the test was over this morning.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]There is a great event in my country, that is China will hold Olympic Games in 2008. All the people here are very exciting since Olympic Games is such a significant sports event that everyone want to participate in it or watch it in the stadium in stead of on TV.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Everyone in China are looking forward to this big sports event, but we have a lot of thing to do if the 2008 Olympic Games could be held successfully. Firstly, traffic jam is one of the most serious problems to today’s society. We can see it everyday and every where. Government and the citizen should pay more money and attention to complete transport system, such as subway and highway. Secondly, the quality of the citizen should be enhanced, for example, we should not litter rubbish everywhere, those who speak dirty words should be published by laws and so on.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]In conclusion, China will spare no efforts to do well in the 2008 Olympic Games for the world. And I hope you could come to China and watch it in stadium together with me. I look forward to hearing from you.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]Yours faithfully.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Patrick Guo.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]Task 2 [/font][font=宋体]是一篇跟健康有关的,似乎挺常见的[/font][font=Times New Roman].[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]Nowadays, there is growing concern over health. People pay more and more attention to it because health is considered as one of the most aspects in life. In my opinion, following steps should be obeyed if you want to be healthy.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]First of all, a good diet is an indispensible element to be healthy. Today people have a lot of spare money to eat something delicious but including junk food sometimes. People usually know junk food does harm to their bodies, but they can not refuse it as they like the taste. Then they become fatter and unhealthier. So keeping a good diet is really important to your health.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Furthermore, taking exercise plays an significant role in building up a healthy body. There is an old saying, life is dependent on exercise. It is the experience of our forefathers and it is correct even today. It is a truism that those who always do exercise have a better body immune system than who do not. So no matter it is jogging, playing basketball or something else, please do exercise for a strong body.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Thirdly, with the development of social economy and high technology, people endure more stress than ever before because of the competetion. We must face to the cometetion in today’s society, then we could avoid stress by listening to music, talking with friends or taking a holiday in countryside. Sometimes the stress in spirit does more harms to our health. We must learn how to avoid stress cause that also is of cardinal significance to health.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]All in all, everybody need a healthy body to study, work and live. We must have a healthy body to take responsible to family and society. So everyone should have a good diet, get lots of exercise and avoid stress. [/font]

PatrickGuo 发表于 2007-10-10 09:55

何老师啊,您怎么不在啊?
可以直接披阅也可以发到我信箱[email]guopeng_419@yahoo.com.cn[/email]
我想以word附件发上来的,发现附件不支持word。
何老师,现身吧。

xunmei520 发表于 2008-5-20 11:32

乳胶枕头促销!

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