麻烦各位高手帮我修改一下作文，谢了！
剑三TEST 4的第一篇小作文The graph depicts the fluctuation of the unemployment rates in the American and Japan from March 1993 to March 1999.
As can be seen from the chart,between Mar 93 and Mar 99 ,Unite States of the unemployment rates had a slightly declined .In March 93, the percentage of work force as high as reached 7 percent,however the figure was about 5.0 percent in March.99.
On the other hand, over the period from Mar 93 to Mar 99 the percetage of work force was almost uniformly upward in the Japan,In Mar 93,the unemployment rates reached 2.5 percent, and then the percetage of work force was 5.0 percent in March 99.
According to the graph,it can be seen that the unemployment rates in the US and Japan had different trends, From Mar 93 to Mar 98 the unemployment rates in the US were higher than Japan, whereas after Mar 98 both rates leveled off. The graph depicts the fluctuation of the unemployment rates in the(1) American and Japan from March(2) 1993 to March 1999.
As can be seen from the chart(3),between Mar 93 and Mar 99(4),Unite States of the unemployment rates(5) had a slightly declined(6).In March 93, the percentage of work force(7) as high as(8) reached 7 percent,(9) however the figure was about(10) 5.0 percent in March.99.
On the other hand, over(11) the period from Mar 93 to Mar 99 the percetage of work force was almost uniformly upward(12) in the Japan,In Mar 93,the unemployment rates reached 2.5 percent, and then(13) the percetage of work force was 5.0 percent in March 99.
According to the graph(14),it can be seen that the unemployment rates in the US and Japan had(15) different trends, From Mar 93 to Mar 98 the unemployment rates in the US were higher than (16)Japan, whereas after Mar 98 both rates leveled off(17).
1 国家名称前不需要用冠词 后同
2 March, 1993
3 注意主语一致，建议改成As we can see from the chart或者As the chart describes
4 该时间最好放到句子的最后 Mar 93的简写方法有待商榷 后同
5 反了吧 the unemployment rate of U.S.
6 或者用名词形式，或者干脆删掉had a，直接说slightly declined
7 work force的意思是工作人口还是失业人口，或者说：有劳动能力的人口？
8 as high as用法不好 建议另外换 比如说in the peak，相反的词汇是in the valley
9 建议用句号 ＋ However
10 around比about更好 可以忽略此comment
11 during
12 increased，且不需要使用被动语态
13 then：没有明确的因果关系或者顺接关系 不过可以忽略此comment
14 注意主语一致，如果用此短语，后面最好不要用形式主语
15 描述客观现象 用一般现在时就可以
16 that of Japan
17 level off是什么意思？be of the same level?
个人看法：应该在比较两国各自自身的变化的基础上 重点放到两国的趋势比较。逻辑会更清楚。
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