请何刚老师和给位高手看看我的作文，写得不好，请凑合着看吧！谢了
Topic : Popular events like the football World Cup and other internatiional sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.With the world wide popularity of international sporting occations the issue of whether it could be an effective measure to ease international tensions and release patriotic emotions in a safe way has debated over the public .As to this controversial problem.It is my contention that those activities such as football match should be supported and advocated ,because they certainly played an racial role in promoting the solidarity and lessening the tensions between different countries<BR> <BR> There is no denying that international sporting occations could widen people's envisage and enrich their understanding in other countries.For instance ,when the football world cup was hold in one country.The football fans all over the world would aspire to come to the country for appreciating the exciting matches .Consequently,they would have an opportunity to see the exotic beatiful scenery and touch the brillant history and culture .It is certainly the best measure to ease the international tensions<BR> <BR> Admittedly,It has been argued that the sporing activities would stimulate the potential risk because everyone aspire to see their own country won the Championship.In the first view ,the argument seems nice and convincing ,but on the second thought ,it could hold the water .On the one hand ,the spirit of sport lies in fairness and equality,if there was no any fraud or discrimination in the games,few people would be unsatisfied with the matches because they just want an exciting game.On the other hand,with the effective regulations and careful services,the patriotic emotions could be released in a safe way.
Ultimately,sporting occations ,being an effective measure to smooth tension between countries,should be precisely supported and improved.Only in this way ,can we have a stable and harmonious relationship between different nations.
谢谢大家能看我的作文，这篇作文是严格在40分钟内完成的，请问大家，我这篇作文能得6分吗? 请给点意见，我快考了，还能在哪些地方有些提高呢?
[align=right][color=#000066][此贴子已经被作者于2004-5-23 23:18:40编辑过][/color][/align]
最后一段没看明白,但6分是没问题的!(如果确实是在40分里完成的话)单词和句式再活一些,难一些7,8分都可能. 谢谢你，<A name=104607><FONT color=#000066><B>pinpinpin919</B></FONT></A>
谢谢你能看我的文章，我没什么信心，你给了我鼓励，请问，你说我的
“单词和句式再活一些,难一些"，你值得是哪些方面的单词，句式。比如说是多用被动什么的，能对我这篇文章给点具体的说明么？
谢谢
多写能引起考官兴奋的!你的句式有点单一,被动,定语,插入,反问,疑问等等!都可以用.单词嘛!多看看反义词和同义词,近义词吧.比如你写一个东西一般第一个想到的不用.比如,在什么什么基础上,基础---要我想第一个base或basic.再想想elements,foundation.不就比刚才想的好吗.当然还有好多.而且我说的是在练习中,考试绝对别这样!!为什么就不说了吧?
呵呵,你注册的那天正好我22岁生日! 第三段的过渡词有点乱
良好睡眠--香港梦菲斯乳胶枕促销
*** 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽 *** 朋友，只看了第一段，觉得语法错误有点多。OCCASIONS 后面应该加“，”号 ，
然后首段陈述背景过多引用题目中的话，应该尽量改写，
DEBATE 前面应该加BEEN吧，
As to this controversial problem.根本不是一个完整得句子，却打了句号，
后面还有点，自己多改改哦
睡了
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