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liangrenli 发表于 2004-7-21 08:38

这篇文章6分？我觉得不可能，请何老师和大家评评

There is always much controversy nowadays as to whether it is necessary for the young people to be in relationship. Though the majority of young people spend a great deal of time and money on finding the so-called ideal boyfriend or girlfriend. I agree with the point of view that this type of early relationship, to some extend, is significant, but not necessary, because what they have gained, in most of case, could be far less than what they expected.
 
Of cause, having a special friend brings a lot of pleasantness into the young’s lives. Because the activities they taking with their ‘lovers’ enable them to relax after a stressful day at study, which is an important approach of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Therefore, judging from this angle, it is understandable that today’s youth are rush to seek ‘lovers’. However, it does not mean that this is, in itself, a laudable endeavor.
 
Admittedly, most youth who are in love may feel a lot of pressure from the counterparts. Because they must always care much about another person’s feeling and try every means to flatter the counterparts, such as buying some souvenirs for them, inviting them to see a film etc. Actually, that is an extra financial burden for the youth’s parents, and this is especially true for the kids who come from poor families. In fact, it is the responsibility for the youth to study hard and well, and the result may much desirable provided that they spend such money and time on acquiring knowledge. Furthermore, when the relationship is broken, some problems may arise, such as distractions in study, or psychological imbalance, or committing crimes, or even committing suicide. 
 
For the arguments presented above, I insist that an early relationship does much harm to the young people and should not be advocated, since this has little education value.

MeYeti 发表于 2004-8-2 22:13

I did not have a chance to read your message until now. I can only give you an opinion, I cannot give you an estimate of what kind of a grade you will get. I will explain that later . (Boy, four "I"s in a row, what an egotist.)[em01]
-- 
 You certainly did not beat around the bush-- you came right to the point. One can tell right from the start that you are touting the party line-- the current thinking in China: no bf gf before you are 99 years old and owns 10,000,000$. (Just kidding.) Who grades these tests ? If it is an old fashion Chinese teacher in China, he will nod his head in agreement. If it is someone sitting in Michigan USA grading it, he/she will say: "not again ! Another generic response."
 OK, never mind that, since most of you only want to pass an exam. Creative writing is not your goal. What is the verdict then ?
 (I) I don't know what the title/question is, so it is hard for me to say whether you have stated your premises correctly. You said "as to whether it is necessary for the young people to be in relationship" That is different from whether young people wants to have a relationship. 
(2) In your agrument about the financial angle, you said ". Actually, that is an extra financial burden for the youth’s parents, " That agrument is pretty weak. A parent do not have to say "yes" to the request for money from their offsprings for the purpose of getting a "lover." ( BTW: becareful how you use that word if the paper is destined for the eyes of a native speaker. "Lover" is definitely not a direct translation of the Chinese 愛人)
(3) Your argument is preliminarily based on a rush to get a lover and the time and money spent to acquire one. It does not take into account of something that develops naturally.
 Given the limited number of words you are allowed ( boy, do I hate this bean counting business, it is counterproductive to creativity) and the limited time you have to write it, the result is acceptable. The language usage and grammar is , however, below par. (That again, depends on what level we are talking about.) Don't get too disappoint. The logical sequence is there. The English is not incomprehensible -- I have read many essays that are written in totally broken English, and I am talking about students who have "passed" all sorts of exam and are studying in North America. So you should not be overly discourage. Just keep on practicing.

MeYeti 发表于 2004-8-2 22:27

Here is the explanation as to why I cannot give you a "grade."
(i) Unless the person who looks at this is a seasoned grader, whatever he/she says is no better than guesswork.
(ii) I am not familiar with any of these tests, I never took any . Yes, I am Chinese. I graduated from high school in Hong Kong in 1961 and went overseas to study. At that time all we took was something called the "Michigan English Test" and NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE went out of their way studying for it. In "English" universities in those days there were no such thing as an ESL (English as Secondary Language) course. Everyone, native speaker or not, science or arts students, took Eng Composition 101 and English literature101 together. I was a terrible student in high school. My grammar teacher hated me. You can tell from my writing that I have never learned my grammar properly. 
(iii) Although I am not an English teacher (not even an English major), I have had considerable experience grading homeworks and various "papers" written in English. However, I must stress once again that my grammar is weak so don't take my advice too seriously.

 I don't come to this place very often. I surf from English Corners to English Corners. I do , however, spend quite a bit of time at the Rainlane "Treasure Island" English Corner where I am the head moderator.(see URL at the bottom)

MeYeti 发表于 2004-8-2 22:32

BTW: Since you only asked for an opinion about your presentation, I did not attempt to correct your English. I used to do so, unsolicited, but I have learned my lesson the hard way after getting a few hostile receptions. Many people resent having their mistakes discussed in public, and that goes for Li Yang's students too --so much for not being afraid to lose face. Nowadays I only do so if there is an explicit request or when people post their work at the "Workshop" section of the English Corner I am affiliated with.

bernicesql2002 发表于 2004-8-10 19:17

[em03]

ssxleo 发表于 2006-11-21 22:17

???

leonleonleon200 发表于 2007-2-3 05:41

it took me a few seconds in reading the first paragraph and then i sort of lost any pulse to continue on. to be honest, it doesn't mean that ur english is poor but it feels like ur processing on writing is sort of燽oring. i guess if u can get a little more relaxed in expressing ur idea (this is called writing), u will surely get a result u wish.

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这篇文章6分？我觉得不可能，请何老师和大家评评