The first task：新东方雅思高分作文P182 sample Topic 18

The diagram below shows changes in employment in manufacturing and services in five countries between 1970 and 1993.

Describe the information presents in the diagram, and compare the changes which have taken place in the five countries.

My writing:

The two bar graphs seperately told changes in employment in manufacturing and services during 1970,1980 and 1993 in 5 developed countries: Germany, Japan, Britain, and the USA.

The first graph shows that employment in manufacturing in all of these countries were decreased. In 1970, the employment in manufaturing in all these countries are between 30 percent and 40 percent. However in 1980, almost all of the rates fell an amount as 4% to 5%. At the year of 1993, the USA's emploment in manufaturing dropped to 20 percent from the origion percentage of around 30% in 1970. And Britain has a dramatic changes on this from up to 40% to only 20%. The percentage in employment in manufaturing decreased 2 to 3 percent in other countries.

On the other hand, the employment in services in all of the countries were increased. The most significant changes appeared in Britain, where in 1970 has only half of the emplyment worked in services rised rapidly to near 80% in 1993. Whereas in Japan the percentage only changed from less than 60% in 1970 to more than 60% in 1993 .Germany, where only 40% employments in services appeares a big jump in 1980 and reached 60% in employment in services in 1993. At the same time, the rates of employment in services also have an around 20 percent increase in both the USA and Frence, in where reached a percentage of 70% and 80% seperatly.

用时25分，写完之后改了一次，3个小时之后改了一次，在编辑到电脑的时候又顺便改了一些地方~

小女下个月要参加考试~希望得到大家的帮助！^_^

The task 2:新东方雅思高分作文P247 sample Topic 18

The lottery does more good than harm. Discuss.

Nearly everyone has one or even more experices in buying lottery. People who lose money on it are always claiming that lottery is the poison to the sociaty. However, in my point of view, I do believe that the lottery does more good than harm.

The most powerful reason for my choice is the nature of lottery. It is obvious that lottery is a way to collect money. The money collected will then be financed or used to do good things later by the lottery company. No matter where the money finally went to, it promotes the flowing of money which is a good thing to the markets.The every few amout of money collected from people who won't save it will be a big amount of money to those who need them, such as the weak, disabilities, or even manufacturies.

Further more, everything that is existed is reasonable. Though there always people put money or even a big mount of money on the lottery and gained nothing, there still people got awards from it. As I know,people who want to put all of their money on the lottery is seldom. Most people just think lottery as akind of entertainment, a way to test their luck. I and one of my friends once bought a lottery together, the number we chose is the figure of our exam paper scores. We gained nothing finally that time, but we feel it was very interesting, because at that time, both of us got a low score. The loss of the lottery was explained by us like that: "it is the bad time for us to do either an exam or a lottery" ! So we never upset after that.

It is seems that people lost money on the lottery will buy it next time when they are in that mood. No one will hate the lottery as they want a extinct of it. So just be relax, the lottery does good for us.

用时35分

task two

opening para is ok

body1 is good, but it could be better if you use one concrete example

body 2's topic sentense is poor. This sentense seems ominipotent, however, it is vague. It says nothing about the main idea of this para. So it is better to substitue it with another one.

"As I know,people who want to put all of their money on the lottery is seldom."

The above sentense is problematic in grammar. We cannot say" people is seldom". I suggest you to change it into" few people invest all their wealth on the lottery "

Actually the whole body 3 is not very supportive to the topic. It doesnt conduce to the idea that lottery has benefits. In body 3, you are just describing facts but not explaining the benefits.

Please note the topic"The lottery does more good than harm. Discuss."

This topic asks you to analyse the advantages and disadvantages of lottery to the society and individuals. But first of all, you should emphasize on its effects on the society.

For example, lottery may trigger people's lust for gambling, thus, gives birth to many hidden instable elements to society.

This topic requires you to discuss and compare the good aspects and harmful aspects and eventually gives your conclusion based on the comparison. Therefore, it is not convincing to conclude without any comparison.

谢谢april777 阿~~~~[em23][em34]

要不是你说我真没觉出来自己的文章有这些毛病呢~，[em43]是该改改噢~

说的真详细~我原来以为我还写得不错呢~~看来还是有很大差距阿~

谢谢你……………………太感谢了~希望以后还可以得到你的指点~

希望其他人也可以多指点我批评我~~[em04][em07]

Nearly everyone has one or even more experices in buying lottery. People who lose money on it are always claiming that lottery is the poison to the sociaty. However, in my point of view, I do believe that the lottery does more good than harm.

The most powerful reason for my choice is the nature of lottery. Lottery is a way to collect money. The money collected often used to do good things later by the lottery company. No matter where the money finally went to, it promotes the flowing of money which is a good thing to the development of market. As lottery does, the every few amout of money collected from people who won't save it may be a big amount of money to those who need them, such as the weak, disabilities, or even manufacturies, so it can be benefit to the sociaty .

Further more, everything that is existed is reasonable. Though there always people put money or even a big mount of money on the lottery and gained nothing, there still people got awards from it. As I know,few people would put all of their money on the lottery. Most people just think lottery as akind of entertainment, a way to test their luck. A fail on lottery cannot make a man upset, however, sometimes the progress can give youa good mood. I would like to tell my own experience as an example:I and one of my friends once bought a lottery together, the number we chose is the figure of our exam paper scores. We gained nothing finally that time, but we feel it was very interesting, because at that time, both of us got a low score. The loss of the lottery was explained by us like that: "it is the bad time for us to do either an exam or a lottery" !

It is seems that people lost money on the lottery will buy it next time when they are in that mood. No one will hate the lottery as they want a extinct of it. So just be relax, the lottery does good for us.