youngred

Toleration, as one of the most important technological developments in the 20^th century. Nowadays almost everyone in the world has access to TV. Further more television has coursed significant changes in family life. It seems like make our family life more colorful more closely than before. However, as far as I considered I think TV make our family life not close as before.

Of course, it is undeniable that most of people watch TV together. It brings our family a lot of happens. It also can be a powerful educational tool. People can learn about situations and problems far away, and begin to understand different cultures.

However we shall never loose sight of the risk of watching TV too often. It makes our family life not close as before. Before TV use widely available families spend more time together, we usually went to the park together at weekends, for a walk after supper. We used to sit at table and drink some tea, exchanging the news of the day. But as soon as we permit the TV into our home, we found that the one-eyed monster occupies all our spare thyme. What’s worse, we even found that it’s a difficult to exchanges of feelings with family’s members.

Also, the fact is that many children in family even have their own TV in their bedroom. Food is left uneaten, homework undone and sleep is lost. So they spend very little time with their parents or brothers and sisters. As for this, the children will unable to communicate effectively with their parents. It may course a gap between parents and children if the child often done this.

To sum up, I feel that TV prevents us from communicating with each other. It makes our family not as close as before. So now, it is the time that to turn off the TV and go out with our family to feel the real world.

yummyenglish

Toleration？？？？？

参见对上篇作文的意见

MeYeti

Toleration Television, as is one of the most important technological developments in the 20^th century. Nowadays almost everyone in the world has access to TV. Further more television has coursed caused significant changes in the family life. (in family lives/in the family life) ( It seems like make our family life more colorful more closely than before.)=? It seems to have made our family life more colourful and helped to keep us closer.) However, as far as I considered am concern I think TV makes our family life not as close as before.

MeYeti

Of course, it is undeniable that most of people watch TV together. It brings our family (a lot of happens.)=? (What is “a lot of happens”?) It also can be a powerful educational tool. People can learn about situations and problems far away, and begin to understand different cultures.

However we shall should(1) never loose sight of the risk of watching TV too often. It makes our family life not as close as before. Before TV use widely available - -> Before TV is widely available families spent more time together, (we usually went to the park together at on weekends, for a walk after supper.)(run-on sentence)(2)(Use full stop or semi-colon after “time together.”) - ->(Or: On weekends after supper/After supper on weekends, we usually went for a walk in the park.)

We used to sit at a table and drink some tea, exchanging the news of the day. But as soon as we permit the TV into our home, we found that the one-eyed monster occupies all our spare thyme (is this supposed to be a pun of some sort? Ha Ha) time. What’s worse, we even found that it’s a difficult to exchange (s of) feelings with family (’s) members.

Also, the fact is that many children in a family even have their own TV in their bedrooms. Food is left uneaten, homework undone and sleep is lost. So they spend very little time with their parents or brothers and sisters. As for Because of this, the (general reference) children will be unable to communicate effectively with their parents. It may course cause/open up a gap/chasm /gulf between parents and children if the child often done does this. (child--> does)

To sum up, I feel that TV prevents us from communicating with each other. It makes our family not as close as before. So now, it is the time that to turn off the TV and go out with our family to feel the real world.

(1) Should, would, could: Item #21 at: http://www.rainlane.com/dispbbs.asp?boardid=8&star=1&replyid=37644&id=16107&skin=0&page=1

(2) Run On Sentences: http://www.rainlane.com/dispbbs.asp?BoardID=8&ID=13605

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-9-3 14:25:56编辑过]

MeYeti

You are doing fine. But it would be hard to predict your score. I know one person whose English is not as good as you are, and she got a 7 or 7.5 (I forgot which). On the other hand, I know another person who has a very good command of English, and she got only a 6.