以下是引用lilybai在2005-9-4 21:03:45的发言：
找我们口语班的外教看了一下前几段，他这样改的Among(Of) the factors that influence a child’s development, family financial background is a critical one. Empirically kids(informal word,inappropriate in academic writing) from rich families, after entering adulthood, deal with problems differently(How?Could be more specific) from those from(repetitious) less well-off households. Generally the latter is(are,disagreement with kids/those) more capable of problem-solving(problem solving,the hyphen is redundant when it is used as a noun).
(The)Lack of wealth in a family usually(This word is rarely used in academic writing as it typically creates ambiguity and detracts from the reasoning.)helps(enables/prompts) children to become independent and responsible individuals. Rich kids have more toys. If a toy truck gets broken, parents would buy their children another(a)fancier, more expensive one. Rich kids go (to)the best school in the(their) neighborhood. On the contrary(In contrast), children from an ordinary family have to take good care of their toys(Why? Clarification needed.). (Connectives are missing here,which jumbles up the arguments in this paragraph)Their parents are often busy with work. So children have chances to make many of their own decisions(Logic error."All" their "own" decisions are made by themselves.) Many kids babysit younger brothers or sisters or even take small part-time jobs to help the family. Such differences in the upbringing often tough them(toughen them up)for adult life.
谁的思路更好一写呀
