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急!帮我看看作文好吗?谢谢了啊

<P>fatherhood ought to be empasised as motherhood .The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not have babiers lead to the idea that they are also responsible for bring the children up"<br>agree or disagree? </P>
<P>   It goes without saying that father is quite important to their children in both physical and psychological aspects. Although the roles without parents may be different ,they are equal in importance and I firmly belive that child-rearing should be the responsibilities of both parents .In some societies,it has been made easier for a single parent to rise a child,but it dosen't mean that it is much better than those who  rised in a both sides family.<br>   To begin with ,give financial support to a home is the simplist explanation of "responsible for bringing the children up ".Food and clothe their children ,making sure they are safe ,health ,and receiving an adequate education,this is the basic definition of responsibility.And we have to admit that ,most men who have been in a state of fatherhood do this well.<br>   However ,on the other hand ,the other way of define "responsibility "is in a psychological way which ignored by most fathers.Rearing a child is far more from just offering financial support .Take myself as a typical example ,my father is a businessman,he is busy all the time ,and now ,although my father gives more money to me than before ,how I wish we could just setting together and chatting for a while. It's not just father's responsibility to provide physical support to his children while his wife involves herself  in the daily activities to bringing children up.He should also join the daily duties ,play with them ,reading to them,helping them to solve some mental troubles and sharing their stories while they are  growing.<br>Furthermore,bringing every new life to the world is definitely not only decided by woman thenselves.With the development of society, majority of  women choose to work outside instead being  housewifes.The  stress which women have to take is no less than men,so there is  undoubtedly , her husband should help to ease the heavy burden of raising a child .<br>   All in all,since fathers are partlyof the facts which decied to have a child ,they are ought to and have to take the responsibilities above,to help bulid a harmonious family atomosphere .Still,under the great press of economic ,we also have to realise how difficult to achive sometimes,</P>
<P>本人的作文真的是自己都不敢恭维,知道作文水平在短时间里不可能有什么大的提高,保住6分,各位大虾帮忙看看,还有那些地方要提高的(很多吧,呵呵)多给点批评建议,不甚感激</P>

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-11-28 11:56:23编辑过]


写得不错!<br>
文章是给考官看的,也是给读者看的,要做到reader-friendly,这是key point!<br>
如何达到这一点,本人觉得有以下几点:<br>
1.结构。<br>
条理清楚,最好一个段落表达一个意思,段落宜适中,不宜太长。针对IELTS250字,<br>
可如此分配:para 1: introduction: state the fact, and show ur standpoint.(for or against, better both)<br>
            para 2: key sentence+support evidence (for)<br>
            para 3: key sentence+support evidence (against)<br>
            para 4: conclusion<br>
根据你的ideas,for / against,可以多写一段,写出两个for or 两个against, 表明你更倾向于哪一方面。<br>
在表达观点时,要记住一点,should之类不应用得太多,因为你是在阐述一个观点,这是主观的,不要太绝对,如果换作是中文,你一讲就是“你应该怎么样”? 读者会觉得,你在强迫他接受你的观点,可以用一些be likely to or may/might。<br>
2.连词,副词和短语的运用<br>
在有清晰的结构之后,要有连词把各个段落有机联结在一起,还在有段中,句与句之间的连接。<br>
副词来增强形容词与动词的表现力;另外不必一定要使用复杂的词汇,真正地道的英文,短语用得非常多。<br>
比如连词:hence<br>
    副词:dramatically<br>
    短词:be likely to<br>
3.简单,复杂句的并用,不要吝啬“,”<br>
如果一篇文章一看没几个“,”,几乎全是复杂句,显得很有水准,但reader-friendly? 每段的中心句可用复杂句。<br>
4.语法:单复数,a/an/the,不要缩写.<br>
语法错误是难免的,但要尽量不要犯一些低级的,比如单复数,还有最易错的是如何运"the".还有不要把did not 缩成didn't. <br>
5.用词的多样性.<br>
常用的单词可多记几个同义词,这样在文章中读起来更舒服些。比如可能,may,perhaps,be likely to<br>
因此hence, thus, consequently, as a result. 重要important vital crucial  <br>
<br>
<P>谢谢你了啊</P>
<P>你说的都是我老师老要我注意的,我一月份就要考试了,可是写作总是没有什么提高</P>
<P>写的稍微好点的话那也是用时间砸出来的,现在我也试着去minimum我的写作时间可是一那样我就特紧张,一紧张就什么都不知道了,还望你多多指点啊,我现在可真的是火烧眉毛了~</P>
<P>加了你QQ可是不知道为什么加不了,如果可以的话你就告诉我你的邮箱地址咯,我的是</P>
<P><a href="mailto:tangwenshu33@yahoo.com.cn" target="_blank" >tangwenshu33@yahoo.com.cn</A></P>
哈,“你说的都是我老师老要我注意的”,那我也可以当老师了,just kidding:)<br>
写作短期提高不难,你的词汇没问题,很多人的误区,是把写作一定要拿出<br>
“华丽的”vocabulary,事实上,我们还不能写出名作,只要保6争7就可以了,呵<br>
我要求比较低。MSN:accaeric@hotmail.com ,如果你只要保6争7,那就联系我,<br>
我每天在线。<br>
<P>现在给我当免费补习的老师是英国来的一个博士生呢,看来你们是有的一拼啊,^_^</P>
<P>我知道写作在短时期很难有大的提高,你说的保6争7就是我的目标了,可一定要帮帮小妹啊,呵呵</P>
<P>我的MSN不知道为什么总是打不开(总之我的电脑是很难有的什么没坏的,连机经都下不了,下的都是乱码,狂晕)</P>
<P>我就给你发邮件吧,还有,QQ也可以,我的QQ号码317084994 IELTS-delia</P>
<P>但愿远在异国他乡的你什么都好,:)</P>
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