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本人武汉419烤鸭，作文8分，总分7.5。成绩单在‘无忧灌水乐园’的‘7.5的IELTS成绩单’里。看到很多鸭子为作文郁闷，我愿帮大家有偿修改作文。以下是我为ikwan朋友修改的一篇V117A:

Children’s [A child's] education is a serious social issue, good education could lead the children [a good education leads the child to] not only grow up to be a competitive people[person] but also [to]  be benefit[beneficial] to the whole society [society as a whole]. What should we teach the children? [,]Competition [competition] or cooperation? In this essay, I will discuss this question from two aspects.
First [Firstly], some adults consider that the children should be more competitive in order to get [gain] a good position or good payment [salary] when they grow up. This is a traditional opinion about the children [a child's] education. Nobody will [can] deny that those competitive or aggressive persons [individuals] will be [are] more  probably [likely] to succeed.
But on the contrary [Conversely], the modern firms need more and more those cooperating staffs, who know the cooperation is the first factor of success.[modern companies increasingly need harmonious workforces who understand that cooperation is the main factor in gaining success.] 200 [Two hundred] years ago, most of the firms [businesses]were small, sometimes the boss was the only employee ,[with the 'boss' sometimes being the sole employee.] t [T]herefore, if they wanted to succeed or to get more market proportion [a higher market share], the only way was their competitive skills [they needed to be extremely competitive and often ruthless]; Compared with those firms, the modern enterprises will emphasis more [modern enterprises put more emphasis upon] the importance of cooperation. For example, the procedure of producing a car,needs [car needs the] cooperation of about 453 persons [around four hundred and fifty three people], that is to say, [x]a mistake made by any one of these 453 staffs [four-hundred and fifty three people] would lead to a no-good [sub-standard] production, which could [would] not pass quality control [, or even a halt to the whole production line]. Thus, along with the developing of the enterprises’ scale, cooperation will be paid more and more attention than competition. [is the major focus for the attention of large conglomerates.]
As far as I am concerned, both of [x] competition and cooperation are [equally] important for the children, any conclusion drawn without consideration the realities will be too arbitrary [children and any conclusion drawn without considering this fundamental truth is arbitrary]. For the enterprises, the bosses put the cooperation in to the first place because they are easy to find competitive staffs [benefit of businesses, bosses place more importance into cooperation as they can easily find competitive workers]; but for the employees, they could not have any chance to cooperate without competition [it is competition that is crucial to allow them to cooperate]. Therefore, just like the two aspects of a coin, both competition and cooperation are important for the children. [both competition and cooperation are two sides of the same coin, and both are important for our children’s development.]

原文：
Children’s education is a serious social issue, good education could lead the children not only grow up to be a competitive people but also be benefit to the whole society. What should we teach the children? Competition or cooperation? In this essay, I will discuss this question from two aspects.
First, some adults consider that the children should be more competitive in order to get a good position or good payment when they grow up. This is a traditional opinion about the children education. Nobody will deny that those competitive or aggressive persons will be more probably to succeed.
But on the contrary, the modern firms need more and more those cooperating staffs, who know the cooperation is the first factor of success. 200 years ago, most of the firms were small, sometimes the boss was the only employee, therefore, if they wanted to succeed or to get more market proportion, the only way was their competitive skills; Compared with those firms, the modern enterprises will emphasis more the importance of cooperation. For example, the procedure of producing a car, needs cooperation of about 453 persons, that is to say, a mistake made by any one of these 453 staffs would lead to a no-good production, which could not pass quality control. Thus, along with the developing of the enterprises’ scale, cooperation will be paid more and more attention than competition.
As far as I am concerned, both of competition and cooperation are important for the children, any conclusion drawn without consideration the realities will be too arbitrary. For the enterprises, the bosses put the cooperation in to the first place because they are easy to find competitive staffs; but for the employees, they could not have any chance to cooperate without competition. Therefore, just like the two aspects of a coin, both competition and cooperation are important for the children.

修改以后：
A child’s education is a serious social issue, a good education leads the child to not only grow up to be a competitive person, but also to be beneficial to society as a whole. What should we teach our children, competition or cooperation? In this essay, I will discuss this question from two aspects.

Firstly, some adults consider that the children should be more competitive in order to gain a good position or good salary when they grow up. This is a traditional opinion about a child’s education. Nobody can deny that those competitive or aggressive individuals are more likely to succeed.

Conversely, modern companies increasingly need harmonious workforces who understand that cooperation is the main factor in gaining success.  Two hundred years ago, most businesses were small, with the “boss” sometimes being the sole employee. Therefore, if they wanted to succeed or to get a higher market share, they needed to be extremely competitive and often ruthless. Compared with those firms, modern enterprises put more emphasis upon the importance of cooperation. For example, the procedure of producing a car needs the cooperation of around four hundred and fifty three people.  A mistake made by any one of these four-hundred and fifty three people would lead to a sub-standard product, which would not pass quality control, or even a halt to the whole production line. Thus, along with the developing of the enterprises’ scale, cooperation is the major focus for the attention of large conglomerates.

As far as I am concerned, both competition and cooperation are equally important for children and any conclusion drawn without considering this fundamental truth is arbitrary. For the benefit of businesses, bosses place more importance into cooperation as they can easily find competitive workers; but for the employees, it is competition that is crucial to allow them to cooperate. Therefore, both competition and cooperation are two sides of the same coin, and both are important for our children’s development.

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作文自己先写，然后由别人修改也是一种提高，可以发现很多不足，也可以找到以后改进的方向，按道理说任何人都可以对别人的文章做到一定程度上的修改，但并不是任何人的修改都能给你带来提高，有的可能还会误导你。

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[此贴子已经被作者于2003-7-2 9:25:38编辑过]

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