我现在每天都会一篇作文，为了多练习

请高手能帮看看作文，语法，用词，给予评语和分数~谢谢~

题目是：Now more and more young people want to be a movie star or singer, if you have a son or daughter, do you want he or she to be, why？

我的作文：
Nowadays, most of young people think it is a ‘hot occupation’ that is easy and quick to be wealthy, which is to be movie star or singer.  Personally, suppose that I have a child who I am against he or she engages in this vocation.

I am of the opinion that to be famous is not quite easy for any impersonator. Relate to our normal life, we sometime can watch the TV show content about the miscellaneous entrants to complete for “the next super star”. And the winner should be popular in short period. Why in short period? The main reason is that they don’t know how to break through and the ‘next winner’ has appeared. Furthermore, to be well-known it should invest most spend on dress up and advertised themselves, if they failed, the handlers may give up him or her.

What is more, younger people are famous because their faces or agencies boosts that make them can’t undertake any aberrational and don’t accept critique. According to the psychologist reported that the easy-successful lets younger stars feel self-righteous and overstate their ability. The evidence shows on comparing with same age persons that younger stars are most judgmental on their own views. Furthermore, younger stars don’t think their parents can control their behaviors and they trust themselves to be the best one because they are successful and famous now.

To summarize, younger people should consider disadvantages in being stars which include studying, ability in life, and real situation of themselves. I am favorable people should look before you leap.
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我觉得我写得还是很散，请高人给意见

Hey mate,

It is good efforts to keep writing pratice everyday. But I  think that you do need to go to Ielts training school to ask professional writing teachers giving your help.

It is difficult to follow the logic in your writing.  I would say that the writing should be below band 5.5 anyway.
I

anyway, thanks, jerry0311,
i must keep on writing, my speeking and writing always have 5.5 brand..
it makes me so upset.

改过后的：


These days, most young people think that these are ‘hot occupations’ that make it easy to become famous and wealthy very quickly.  Personally, if I had a child I would be against him or her having either of these occupations.

I am of the opinion that to be famous is not so easy for many people.  In our normal life, we can watch the TV shows about the entrants competing to be “the next super star”.  But the winner will often be popular for only a short period.  Why only a short period?  The main reason is that they don’t know how to sustain their success and the ‘next winner’ will have already appeared and overtaken their popularity.  Furthermore, in trying to be well-known actors and singers have to spend a lot of money dressing up and promoting themselves.  If they do not do this their agents may give up on them.

What is more, younger people who are famous because of their beautiful faces or the success of their agencies’ promotion cannot afford to make any mistake and may find it hard to accept any criticism.  Psychologists have reported that the young stars who achieve easy success often feel self-righteous and tend to overstate their ability.  This is evident from comparisons with other people of the same age and reveals that younger stars are often conceited and have a tendency to judge other people.  Younger stars also often think that they are beyond the control of their parents, just because they are successful and famous now.

To summarize, younger people should consider the disadvantages of being stars.  They might miss out on many good things, including studying, general life skills, and having a good self-understanding.  I always believe that people should look before they leap!

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请继续给意见

第三届中国国际建筑展
THE 3RDCHINA INTERNATIONAL ARCHITECTURAL EXPO

主题：创新推动发展  材料丰富设计
时间：2008年10月28～31日
地点：北京 中国国际展览中心

组织机构  
批准单位：  
中华人民共和国商务部
支持单位：  
亚洲建筑师协会  
中国建筑材料联合会
主办单位：
中国建筑学会
国家建筑材料展贸中心
协办单位：
中国混凝土与水泥制品协会
中国建筑砌块协会
中国建筑材料工业联合会玻璃纤维增强水泥分会

展会简介
                   欢迎参加2008中国国际建筑展  China International Architectural Expo
    近年来，随着我国经济高速、稳健增长及城市化进程的加快，我国建筑业及建筑相关市场也一直保持着高速增长，中国已成为当今世界最具活力的建筑市场之一，为中外建筑业带来了前所未有的机遇和挑战。
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    2008年10月，第三届中国国际建筑展览会将继第29届奥运会后在北京隆重举行。届时，国内外知名建筑设计机构、优秀建筑材料供应商等相关企业将再次聚首北京，围绕“创新推动发展 材料丰富设计”的主题，展示最新建筑设计理念和建筑产品与应用技术，提供相关建筑系统解决方案。同时，展会期间还将举行丰富的学术活动和互动交流活动。
    在此，中国国际建筑展览会组委会诚邀国内外建筑设计、建筑材料及建筑工程企业的积极参与，共同推动中国建筑及建材业的发展！

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特色凸显
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会议及论坛
●2008年全国保障型住房设计高峰论坛
●建筑系统解决方案专题研讨会
●“中国建筑应用创新大奖”评选
●新产品、新技术、新项目推介会及主题研讨会

同期展会        
●2008中国国际建筑声学材料及工程设计展览会
●2008中国国际混凝土制品及应用技术展览会
●第十届中国厨卫设施与铺地材料展览会
●第二届金色摄影大展暨全国建材工业节能减排优秀成果摄影展


2008中国国际建筑展组委会秘书处
地址：北京市海淀区三里河路甲11号中国建材大厦四层 邮 编：100037
电话：010－88082267 13146964588
传真：010－88082333
邮箱：iae-china@163.com
网址：http://www.building-expo.cn

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具体时间及讲座主题安排如下
广州站
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佛山站
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