模拟考官

08年9月6日A写作学校老师和家长谁对学生影响大考题分析及点评:
9月6日A类TASK2 题目为
Once children are at school age，the school and teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social developments.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
考题分析: 议论文; FOCUS : students' intellectual and social developments; 对比school / teachers'  influence VS parents' influence
所以我们可以将题目简单化成: 围绕着FOCUS对比school / teachers VS parents谁的影响大。
TASK RESPONSE就像跳水比赛的压水花,水花压得不好,不管你的动作多好看( 漂亮的句型, 华丽的词汇),或者难度多大( 长句,复合句,倒装句,各种引用),
都不可能带来满意的结果.
欢迎当天考生将答题思路的回忆贴上, 由www.ieltstutor.cn模拟考官现场指出其问题所在并给出相应的分数, 与两个星期之后收到的成绩应该是一样的.

模拟考官

这道题比较好的文章结构和答题方式为：
introduction: 都有影响，不同方面的影响有所不同。
BODY1： 讨论students' intellectal development , 对比school / teachers 和 parents之后得出school/ teachers的影响更大；
BODY2： 讨论students' social development, 对比school / teachers 和parents之后得出parents的影响更大。

gavin7890

早晨写的，请老师点评。
     Many would argue that schools and teachers would bring greater impact than parents on children’s intellectual and social developments. From my perspective, I champion this opinion associated with children’s intellectual developments, but disagree with this view connected with their social developments.

    B1: When concerning about children’s intellectual developments, schools and teachers would have more powerful influence.  To begin with, teachers are more specialized in particular subjects than parents. Therefore, they would be in a more favorable position to instill children with specialized knowledge and skills, which, to a great extent, improves children’s intellect. Furthermore, teachers can use diverse teaching methods which enable children to acquire, organize, interpret and communicate knowledge and skills more effectively. Taking my own experience as a example, when I was in primary school, many of my classmates found it difficult to solve math problems and often failed in math exams. In this case, our teacher devised various teaching methods including organizing math games and asking students who did better in math to help them. After a semester, great progresses were made by those students.

    B2: However, it seems to be a totally different story when it comes to the social developments of children. Admittedly, activities organized by schools such as sports games or class discussions may improve children’s interpersonal skills greatly, but we should not ignore the fact that it is parents who can decide what kinds of people their children communicate with and what activities their children participate in. what is meant by this is that children’s social environment is mainly depended on their parents. Therefore, parents affect children’s social developments more than schools and teachers.

   Overall, schools and teachers play a more important role to children’s intellectual development whereas parents’ influence speaks louder in children’s social developments.

gavin7890

为9.13热身了。 because it will be the last time i take IELTS    i will not be provided with more opportunities.

模拟考官

哈！gavin7890, 真没想到你能把我的对比的句型吃透。现在考的全都是直接的对比，我相信它们很有用的，但仍建议你将其吃透之后转换成自己的句型，毕竟多人使用同样的句型又会惹考官烦。
focus 做得很好，有具体examples, quite impressive. 但对比仍做得不够。我来帮你修改一下你就明白了：
Furthermore, teachers can use diverse teaching methods which enable children to acquire, organize, interpret and communicate knowledge and skills more effectively. Taking my own experience as a example, when I was in primary school, many of my classmates found it difficult to solve math problems and often failed in math exams. In this case, our teacher devised various teaching methods including organizing math games and asking students who did better in math to help them. After a semester, great progresses were made by those students.
改为：Furthermore, teachers can use diverse teaching methods which enable children to study effectively. My family background serves as a living example. My parents were not well-educated and busy at work all the time when i was  a primary school student. I feared learning English because I failed the exams many times. My father told me to memorize as much vocabulary as possible, but this strategy didn't work. After the English teacher played Hollywood animated cartoons in class, i started to love this foreign language, and I improved  my pronunciation to make myself sound pretty much like a native English speaker by mimicing the ways those narrators  talk. Since then I haven't flunked a single English test and I owe this to the inspiration given by my English teacher, not my parents.

akumalika

看到这里开始有点明白老师说的观点之间的对比了!

模拟考官

来无忧雅思网搞写作考题分析三个多月了，感谢回帖和相信我的考生学员，但我始终感觉人气不够。那就算了吧，这就是我最后一次的考题点评了。
雅思写作的评分是一个极其复杂的过程，我已将其简单化到不能再简单了。我相信，凡是多次参加雅思考试老栽在写作上的考生，只要你们将我从5月31日起至9月6日的考题分析及评分点评仔细琢磨对照，你们肯定会受益匪浅的。
以后不是我不来这里，而是我不在这里做专门考题分析及点评了，不过这种分析是许多要考6分或以上的考生所需要的，我会在自己的博客及个人网站上继续，很快我会公开我的个人博客的，需要我的帮助和相信我的考生学员可登录www.ieltstutor.cn去了解情况。
Now that I can reveal your writing result two weeks in advance, of course I know what problems you are still having. Coping with those problems is the only way you can make enough improvements to achieve a higher band score.
wish you good luck!
ielts tutor

gowithwind888

Whether the school and teachers have more influence than parents on the children's intellectual and social development has aroused wide concern in our society. A sizable percentage of people have a view that the school and teachers give the children the academic, disciplinary and physical education and have a greater role on their development. Nevertheless, others advocate that the parents set a example for the children and educate them with great care, love and guide, which influence them deeply. As far as I am concerned, I support the first view and have the reasons as follow.
The primary reason that I claim the importance and significance of school education is that the school and teachers provide all kinds of academic and intelligent training lessons, like maths, physics, chemistry and literature. The children grasp the necessary knowledge and principle in natural, social and literature discipline, which is necessary to the children's outlook on the earth. Because of the importance of school education, more and more children would like to go to the prestigious and famous schools.
The second reason I advocate the view is that school's education in discipline exert a great influence on children. The parents provide the money to children and the children learn to live independently. The school teachers teach the children in discipline. Without the school supervision, the children are easily disoriented and feel depressed and resort to taking drug substance and joining in school gang.
Furthermore, the children get the professional training of physical education in school and take part in the all kinds of sports meeting .They also can learn to how to excel.
Measure by measure, I firmly support the opinion that the school education have greater influence on the intellectual and social developments .Because the school can provide the academic, disciplinary and physical education.

30thnovlucia

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模拟考官

8楼的gowithwind888：我已将考题分析讲得明明白白了，你怎么还乱写一通呢？假如你是考试中这样写，那6分你拿不了，假如是读过我的考题分析还这样写，那你的问题真大，务必认真对待。

gavin7890

i am sorry to hear that you are unwilling to analyse writing topics here cause i think your suggestion is very useful. this morning i took my last IELTS and would you offer suggestion about writing task for me? i will appreciate you very much.
topic: many people think it is important to protect environment but they make no efforts to do it themselves.
           why you think it is the case? what action individuals should take to protect environment?

it took me 5 munutes to grasp the first question in this topic. does it means that i should give the reason about this phenomenon?  uncertain .....

in body 1, i  said the reason is the profit . when choosing from huge profit and a clean environment, many people would choose the former, regardless of how many rivers are contaminated, how much rubbish present in streets and what the air condition will become in the future. ...........  therefore, we can see increasing number of people talk about sustainable development in TV interviews, in the internet, and in their offices, but illegal poaching and logging and pouring waste water into rivers  still appear everyday.

in body 2, i wrote the actions individuals can take. recycing and reusing, use bicycles to replace cars whenever possible, avoid using plastic bags and join in promotion activities........

模拟考官

gavin7890:你的表达接近７分，你对这道题的理解也没错，但是．．．．i hate to say something bad.i know that really hurts you. what am i supposed to do. do you still want me to tell you the problems? ....anyway, band 6 can be expected. don't worry too much.

grace5602

我也是6号考的,希望这次可以过,看了您的分析思路,感觉这次我写的没有跑题.这也是我最后一次考IELTS了,希望能画上一个完美句号.
雅思考官,谢谢你之前对我作文的点评,祝你一切顺利!

gavin7890

to模拟考官: thank you for your evaluate. could you analyse the problem in my essay? thank you.

模拟考官

gavin7890 ：你的第一个问题的回答reasons实际上缺specific reasons.什么叫做“huge profit"? 这道题的角度可是people / individuals，并不是公司之类的，比较好的reason应该是habits,question2的回答较好，但你怎么就不会由question2的ideas反推出对应的question1的ideas呢？那样的话，6.5就保住了，否则5.5-6.低也不会少于5.5，高也不会超过6.