kurt14204

If a five –year-old child commits a crime of any kind, should the children’s parents be held responsible and punished? At what age do you think the parents be no longer directly responsible for the child’s behavior.fficeffice" />

I think that parents should be responsible for their children’s commiting crimes especially if the child is only five years old. And I maintain when children have been 16, the parents no longer assume the responsibility of their children’s behaviors.

Quite a lot of reasons are responsible for this social phenomenon, while the first and foremost one due to the parents’ ignorance. It’s undeniable that the home education and the parents’ influence play significant roles in the growth of children. The concept of ‘bringing up the children’ means not only providing a better economic circumstance, but also being a good guide and role-model to their children. If the parents are too busy on their work and have no time to play and teach the children, they’ll be short of education. Therefore they may lack the ability of self-control or have bad friends and even commit a crime .

Additionally, many of the parents treat their children with excessive permission. In fact, they allow the children to do anything they like and satisfy all of their children’s needs. Unfortunately, this permission may result in molding the bad character such as such as arbitrariness and selfish. Indeed, they don’t concern the feel of other person and they may commit a crime for their own benefits.

Nevertheless when the children grow up to 16years old as they are already adults, they have their own feelings and already received adequate , education, therefore they can judge whether their behaviors are legal or not themselves, thus their parents shouldn’t be responsible for their actions.

But the question existing in this situation is what type and to which extent of the punishment should be given to the parents. Although the main reason of children’s committing a crime is parents’ neglect in most situations, I don’t advocate that the government should give the strict punishment to them. I think the government could give some advices and regulate the regular time which parents must spend on the children’s education.

timzeng

文章大致六分阶段，文中出现口语性叙述，注意标点符号既使用。


文章结构可以，但内容有点混乱，注意在一个段落里面最好不要同时出现正负


两个观点，要注意SIGNPOST既使用。

努力中：）

谢谢哦


我四月十七就考了，希望自己作文能得到六分


能提一些建议吗？帮忙啊

努力中：）

何刚老师你在哪里啊！

zeal_one

新东方的老师大都很忙的啊


       

first-horseman

老师不可能给你判分。不论是新东方的，还是环球雅思的老师。都像走穴的艺人。


忙着赶场。

努力中：）

没关系拉


何刚老师已经给我另外一篇作文评价了


我心里有底了，嘿嘿


       

Ohmygoodness

If the parents are too busy on their work and have no time to play and teach the children, they’ll be short of education.这句话语法有毛病，主句主语用their children为好

Ohmygoodness

而且play the children 不对哦，少了个with，这样的排比不好，下句话的主语也不清

Ohmygoodness

Nevertheless when the children grow up to 16years old as they are already adults, they have their own feelings and already received adequate , education, therefore they can judge whether their behaviors are legal or not themselves, thus their parents shouldn’t be responsible for their actions.这句话要好好改。首先注意标点符号，其次have their own feelings and already received ，and后面要加个have，前面的have不能给后面的用哦，themselves前加by,

Ohmygoodness

读完文章总体感觉：乱。不过，不要紧！你的要求是6分！感觉应该就是你想要的啦——————————————————————————

努力中：）

主要是我觉得题目问得太多了拉


我再看看也觉得乱，要是单纯的agree or disagree,就好了


要是改改结构，语法来不及改了，有希望上七分吗？

hoho2004

Quite a lot of reasons are responsible for this social phenomenon, while the first and foremost one due to (is due to)fficeffice" />

The concept of ‘bringing up the children’ means not only providing a better economic circumstance, but also being a good guide and role-model to their children.

Additionally, many of the parents treat their children with excessive permission. In fact, they allow the children to do anything they like and satisfy all of their children’s needs. Unfortunately, this permission may result in molding the bad character such as arbitrariness and selfish. Indeed, they don’t concern the feel of other person and they may commit a crime for their own benefits.

Nevertheless when the children grow up to 16years old as they are already adults, they have their own feelings and already received adequate education, therefore they can judge whether their behaviors are legal or not themselves, thus their parents shouldn’t be responsible for their actions.

这段therefore,thus连着用，不妥。注意logic...

But the question existing in this situation is what type and to which extent of the punishment should be given to the parents. Although the main reason of children’s committing a crime is parents’ neglect in most situations, I don’t advocate that the government should give the strict punishment to them.(lack of transition...) I think the government could give some advices and regulate the regular time which parents must spend on the children’s education.

简单看了一下,语言方面大致有这么几处不顺畅的地方, 还有就是句式稍显简单、单调。 努力中：）再琢磨看看J.

有问题大家再交流哦.

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-4-13 19:24:14编辑过]

努力中：）

谢谢你啊


我会注意这些问题的