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大家讨论一下这篇作文能得六分吗?

大家讨论一下这篇作文能得六分吗?

Traffic and housing problems in major cities could be solved by moving large companies and factories and their employees to the countryside.fficeffice" />

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The congestions of traffic and house have became the most serious and challenging problems in urban area. That is why, in recent years, there has been an opinion in favor of moving big companies and factories and their workers to the rural areas. I think that this advice is not reasonable and valuable.

Although moving them to the countryside can alleviate the crowded and contaminative problems existing in the city during a period of time, we must consider the difficulties such as the huge expenditure for building the new factories followed. As a result, this expensive cost may lead to the heavier economic burden on the owners of the manufactories, and even the government and the all taxpayers. As it becoming more seriously, the whole country’s financial situation will be influenced and led to many problems such as unemployment; poverty and so on.

Furthermore, this moving can bring the waste gas , large number of people and many cars to the countryside where was peaceful and quiet. It may break the ecological balance and lead to the irreparable harm, with the result of the traffic and housing problems in major cities turning to exist in the village.

Because the method of moving large companies and factories has the possible to make major city no longer flourishing and let countryside more polluted and noisy, I don’t agree with this opinion. The government should depend on the development of technology to deal with the traffic jam and shortage of houses, for instance, they can develop the public facilities and build up the higher flats to live.

谢谢大家给点意见

我知道写得不好,但按时间写作文真的有点难。

[em04]

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加油吧


作文贵在练习

行走在无间道上的人必有非常之潜能

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楼上的什么意思啊?


写得不好就提提意见吧

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写的不错啊

行走在无间道上的人必有非常之潜能

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能得六分吗?

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回复:(努力中:))大家讨论一下这篇作文能得六分吗...

努力中:)的这篇作文写得相当不错,显示了雅思写作的扎实基本功。

开头简练明快而直奔主题。观点鲜明而结构清晰。

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主体段落充分得体,从代价和问题的转移两方面进行论述,并运用了让步、举例、因果及解释说明等多种论证手法。可惜的是没有提及题目中“large”这一核心词汇。

结尾很好地总结了分支观点并简要提到解决问题的可行建议。

文章语法错误较多。如第一句话:The congestions of traffic and house have became the most serious and challenging problems in urban area. congestion为不可数名词;traffic是形容词,不能和名词house并列;have became属时态误用;urban area前应加定冠词the…本句试改为:Traffic congestion and housing shortage have become one of the most serious and challenging problems in the urban area. 总而言之,按照雅思写作论证、结构和语言三方面的评分标准来说,文章结构极好,论证比较充分虽然稍有跑题,语言多变然而错误较多。基本说来,完全具备7分实力(potential)。只要在审题的完整性和语言的精确性方面再下点功夫,7分将是a piece of cake or a cup of tea

Auguries of Innocence ---William Blake To see a world in a grain of sand And a heaven in a wild flower, Hold infinity in the palm of your hand And eternity in an hour.

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何刚老师给予我的激励是无限的


虽然还有一周就考试了,但是我还是会继续努力的!


充满力量前进!

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