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这篇文章说能拿7分,大家帮忙看一下,是否可以7分!

这篇文章说能拿7分,大家帮忙看一下,是否可以7分!

topic: "Prevention is better than cure." Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The debate about whether country's health budget should be put to treatment or preventative measures becomes a hot-bottom one. People hold different opinions of that. Before presenting my view, I intend to discuss both sides of the argument.

some people believe that a large proportion of health budget should be transfer from treatment to health education and preventative measures. To begin with, most of people do not like to suffer from diseases. They are fond of healthy life. Moreover, patients have to spend time and money on treatment. Last but not least, the health circumstances of citizens affects the country's imagination. For example, tourists do not like to travel to a country which is being influenced by SARS.

Other people, however, do not side with that. They claim that treatment should be put more budget. Firstly, it can not avoid to be ill even with good health education or preventative mothods. It is better to research some new drugs and treatments. Secondly, there are many poor people do not have enough money to go to hospital. Only free or low-priced treatment can be accepted by them. Thirdly, many peoplein emergent diseases are delayed or diagnosed incorrectly, so it is necessary to promote doctor's profesional skills and nurture a large number of specialists.

In my opinion, both treatment and prevention are important. The government should spend half the health budget on educating the public to pay greater attention to sanitation and half on researching new treatments and cultivating more competent doctors.

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re: 大家帮忙看一下

You have wasted a lot of time discussing what others feel about the issue. The question is "To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?" ; you should address your arguement directly towards that .

In your opening statement, you said "Before presenting my view, I intend to discuss both sides of the argument." When you "discuss" something, you are presenting your view. What you should have written was "Before presenting my view, let me review what the current thinking is." or "Before presenting my view, let me review the two opposing positions on this issue are."

Notice the size of your own opinion : "In my opinion, ..." as compared to the other two paragraphs where you talked about the two current opposing views. This is a fatal mistake--at least in my opinion-- as you are inflating your essay by other people's opinion rather than those of your own. Not to worry, I am not your teacher so what I say does not count.

The Yeti, from the Treasure Island 英语角. http://www.yeti.rainlane.com

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good. i have benefited from it a lot. thanks.

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[em01]文章写的太好了,有写单词我看不懂,我想应该有七分。不过最好支持一方,不要走中立,这样文章分数会更高,更有看头。

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嗬嗬,果然是何老师的好学生!真的和他要求的相符合!掌声![em01][em01][em01]
broderick.go.nease.net

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great.benefit a lot.

[em10]
The dignity of a man lies in what he is,rather than what he has.....

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