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[讨论]对雅思评分没什么头绪,麻烦大家作作眼球运动指点一下

[讨论]对雅思评分没什么头绪,麻烦大家作作眼球运动指点一下

Some people think that a large amount of time and money spent on the protection of wild animals and others think should be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

Nowadays, one of the hottest topics many people talk about is how to allocate the money. Some people argue that it is manifest that human rights should come first. Others including sociologists advocate that we should give some pure land to our closed friends—wild animals. Personally I totally agree with the side of the later view.

There are probably countless reasons for my holding the view. I want to explore three of the most major causes. In the first place, animals also have their minds; they have the same living right as well as the human beings. When we hurt them, they will feel painful. It is quit crucial to ignore their feelings.

Furthermore, in chasing huge profits, we have seriously devastated wild animals’ standards. Their living environment becomes so brittle, we cannot hurt them anymore. Cutting the forests, polluting the rivers even killing the wild animals, all of these create trust ability between human and wild animals. The whole world just sunk in a chaos.

Finally, more and more animals face fiercely crisis. Now due to the poor conditions of their living homes, a large amount of animals have disappeared in the world per year. If we don’t save them, our offspring can only see the pictures or bones of the wild animal in the museum.

Although human’s benefits are also very important, comparing with the poor wild animals it seems trivial. In addition, we can’t be so selfish; we should give mercy to our poor friends.

All in all, we can’t live alone. We must pay more money to save our good friends—wild animal. We should share happy, afford sad together with them. Let love waft through the air and spread all around the world. Come on; take actions to give wild animals a pure land.

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小妹我没事瞎写了一篇文章望版主能不吝赐教

There are an increasing number of juvenile delinquents. Analyze the possible cause that give rise to this phenomenon, and offer some feasible recommendation.

Recently the issue of rising number of youth crimes has aroused wide public concern. This problem has urged people to seek its reasons.

There are probably a number of reasons. Among dozens of causes I just want to point out three of the most crucial ones here. In the first place, generation gap causes the tragedy. Because of the fast pace of life, parents have not enough time to care about their children. Lacking of communication, sometimes children feel very confuse. Without appropriate conducts, they will do some wrongful conducts even worse. They are so lonely, they use such radical actions to show their angry. They are eagering to be in the spotlight.

Further more there are plenty of violent films in the market. The youths are weak in self-control, they judge the movie stars as role models even try to imitate the crazy actions. They think that is the real man, real hero!

Finally we can’t ignore the education system. The heavy burden make youth feel suffocated, they are nearly stress out. It seems that a high certification means everything. Their world is only full of competition. They can’t be the loser. It seriously distorts youth’s mind and make them become selfish.

In a nutshell, awareness of problem is only the first step toward its solution. It is high time we took appropriate action to solve it. Firstly we should enhance the communication between parents and children. Give them a cozy family. Secondly we should adjust the schedule of violent movie, make it a little bit later.Finally a positive attitude toward life is quite significant for youths to arrange their future. Anyhow, whether these suggestions could make good effort or not, one thing is certain that it will undoubtly lead it in the right position and then it will be solved soon.

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我看了你关于青少年的文章,感觉立意很不错,其中一些观点具备可读性。表达也比较流畅,不足的地方是你不能很好的区分
口语和书面语的表达,一些句子不够连贯,写作要慎用感叹号,因为时间原因,不能全部修改,下面举几个例子进行说明:

Recently the issue of rising number of youth crimes has aroused wide public concern. This problem has urged people to seek its reasons. (这段明显属于套话,可以考虑和下段合并,或者删掉,否则会影响考官对你后面作文的印象)

建议:Recent surging juvenile delinquencies have urged people to seek causes of such behaviors.

There are probably a number of reasons.Among dozens of causes I just want to point out three of the most crucial ones here(影响后面实质内容表达,可以删掉). In the first place(first), generation gap causes the tragedy(用词过重,可以用misconduct,misdeed). Because of the fast pace of life, parents have not enough time to care about(take care of) their children. Lacking (of) communication, sometimes children feel very confuse(confused). Without appropriate conducts, they will do some wrongful conducts even worse. (Lacking communication, sometimes children feel very confused, resulting in minor or even gross misconducts)They are so(must use so that structure) lonely, they use such radical actions to show their angry. They are eagering to be in the spotlight.

(They are so lonely that they take radical actions to show their anger or draw attention from other people to be in the spotlight)

Further more there are plenty of violent films in the market. The youths are weak in self-control, they judge the movie stars as role models even try to imitate the crazy actions. They think that is the real man, real hero!

Finally we can’t ignore the education system. The heavy burden make youth feel suffocated, they are nearly stress out. It seems that a high certification means everything. Their world is only full of competition. They can’t be the loser. It seriously distorts youth’s mind and make them become selfish.

In a nutshell(in conclusion), awareness of problem is only the first step toward its solution. It is high time we took appropriate action to solve it. Firstly we should enhance the communication between parents and children. Give them a cozy family. Secondly we should adjust the schedule of violent movie, make it a little bit later.Finally a positive attitude toward life is quite significant for youths to arrange their future. Anyhow, whether these suggestions could make good effort or not, one thing is certain that it will undoubtly lead it in the right position and then it will be solved soon.

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