27 12
发新话题
打印

大家给小妹看看这篇作文能得几分

大家给小妹看看这篇作文能得几分

大家帮忙看看吧。顺便给点意见

topic : Young people are important resources to their country .But goverment may igore some problems faced by young people in running the country. By your experience, what do the goverment need to do for supporting or help young people? Show these problems and give your ideas or suggestinos to solve this issue.

In this effective society, the goverment invest the most energy in economic improvement, but they may igore some problems faced by young people. For this,many people claim that goverment should pay more attention to the young people,because they are important resources for their country. With the economic progressing, the entertain medias are normal and necessary things in our daylife, such as television , DVD and computer.Young people may spend a lot of time on these things because they are more interesting. Moreover, the entertainment brings people relaxation and funny. Young people at the period could not behave theirselves as well as adulthood, so they may lose theirselves on the entertainment. Especially, some students sufering the internet all the day instead going to school. In addition, there are much violence in the films and television programs now. However, good person can always defeat the bad person in the final are the most popular ending in the films. From this ,young people can not distinguish the beheviour which is good or bad. Hence, they may imitate the film with the wrong mothed to deal with the problems that they faced. In the view of young people's problems, I do believe that the goverment must do something for them. For instance, goverment can invest money on schools' facilities that young people can join more various sports or orgnizations at their spare time. Goverment can also control the programs of the television or film that show less time on television, have more healthy views and deal with the problems through the right way.

TOP

晕~

TOP

楼上的你晕啥呀,别太打击人哦!!!

TOP

有些简单

TOP

g

TOP

[em02]

TOP

government not goverment,还有就是你最好是1,2,3点有条理些

TOP

5

TOP

5.5

TOP

楼上的,先谢谢你能帮我看我的作文

但是没有半分的吧

TOP

9
nara,jang hyeok

TOP

5

TOP

不错来,我都写不出,我发现好多单词我都不认识。我该怎么办啊555555555555555555555555

TOP

6,66666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666[em02]

TOP

通常给5分,碰到考官心情好,又考虑到是小姑娘写的也许会给6分

TOP

I think, to some extent, the arguements are simple. If I were you, I will give some more deep opinion, such as psychological problems (example: Jiajue Ma), heavy burden coming for competition.

It is just my point.

TOP

需要更条理一些,需要增强单词量,5分没有问题

TOP

论据似乎有些简单和牵强

TOP

还不错,就是句型简单了点,有一写拼写错误,因该是5-6分之间
快乐无敌

TOP

too simple

文章的evidence太单薄,政府给予younger 的仅仅是DVDs,television,film?我想可以从情感教育,多开展一些体育运动, 从德、智、体、美、劳choice one of them,broad your composition.还有如一些连词:first,second,in conclusion,therefore,and so on.let your essay more fluent.

TOP

 27 12
发新话题
Google